| It sucks to watch yourself slowly fall in love. You don't want to stop it even though you know it's going to hurt. :-\
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| Ever had that feeling where you want something or someone really badly but you know you can't have it/him/her and there's nothing you could do at the moment to get it/him/her?
Thats the feeling that makes me want to write songs. What do you do about it? |
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| Yeah it's a cheesy fucking song but now it's on my myspace (www.myspace.com/mrjohnnydarling) and it best explains the way i currently feel. And feel free to answer the question posed in the title of this entry, because I really just don't know anymore. All I have to look forward to is my birthday, and I have a gut feeling it'll be disappointing just like everything recently has been. |
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I haven't had time to update recently. It's because, and this is going to sound cheesy, every single day has been an emotional rollercoaster since Memorial Day. I won't detail it, but here are the key points:
-I hooked up with someone I shouldn't have hooked up with.
- In the process, I lost two of my closest friends in school.
- I've had urges to re-connect with any and all of my ex-girlfriends (except alex, what a bitch) at certain times. Those go away and come back randomly. I guess mostly when I'm bored and thinking.
- I had a chance to pass every single one of my classes, and didn't take that chance.
- I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life anymore...being a writer and/or musician has lost its appeal.
But, there were good things too:
- I've never felt more loved than when I spent time with her, as dumb as that may sound.
- I now know what it feels like to forget about all my problems and live a carefree existence, even if its for a moment...and it feels great.
-I now have as many ambitions as I did at the beginning of this year, and at certain points in the year when I was happy (September-November, January-March, occasionally lately haha).
-I realized I can capitalize on my soap-opera-like life to write a fairly decent screenplay based on it.
There's my month in a nutshell. Yesturday was fun. I'm not really happy right now, but its good that I can say that I'm not unhappy. I'm bored. Someone text me.
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| ...I just don't want to give up until it's spelled out for me
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